Monday, July 21, 2008

Missing Ryan


I'm still waiting for my phone to ring (perhaps a dozen times)

with stories, thoughts or just a laugh

(and sometimes it would rhyme . . . )

I'm pissed as hell that your not here

and longing for your smiles

For one more day of together time

I'd walk a zillion miles --- with love, from Sue

20 comments:

eflemin1 said...

hang in there, Sue.
love Erin

Anonymous said...

SSP the amazing core trio is down to two and all I can is keep processing in my mind about you.

I am shocked beyond words and emotion that all of our lives have become such commotion in an instant fools' motion

Honesty, smiles and tenderness comes true when I think of ry-jo flying on his kite surf high on his mood.

ryan-artist, poet, naturalist, know-it, brave, soulful, forthright, playful, deep and meaningful. drawings attribute, restoration and seemingless perfect-of course even the angels knew it. he was too good to be true, it was such an honor just to know you.

Saturday morning an odd dream woke me up crying at dawning. pushed myself through it to get to fassler, moment arrived right after, trying to remember the last months I spent in san mateo...of course finishing up the bootlegger staircase fill with oracle and mr. jones and how odd my mind wandering to j-o. meeting the p.liaison committee of course to finish the pitch-on the new trail, let cattle hill prevail...

for ry-jones veil was with me in all of those moments now I am remembering on a metaphysical scale, a solemn phone call answer from a ranger who protected me from what he knew that was making him blue, when I called on him randomly for some 411 on the fassler loop....amongst the coyote sage brush, what to appear, but a bright, wandering, curious red fox gracefully making his morning trek along with the deer. a red tailed hawk too, gloomy fog darkened the mood. funny volunteers that made us coo, especially when the continual topic of b. jones in relation to fisher arose and returned....jones, jones, jones his place was with us in that space on that trail that we drew, like he did, somehow the earth was trying to heel us by shedding his light over pacifica to the shining golden gate blue.

all I can do to keep myself from weeping in this tragic upheaving, is to remind myself of the joy he would bring me when he constantly jokingly called out to me whenever he see me "quit working so hard kimberly, everytime I see you working, it just makes me want to go surfing." with that charming grin and tasteful laugh, it always made me genuinely laugh. ryan, I would say back, "you are my idol-always soul searching, talented and viable...thank you for reminding that with every moment life is vital."

balance my friend you seem to carry well, charisma and brilliance just was easy. and you will go down in history for all that you gave to me, only a slice of that beautiful life that you waded with poise and freedom....it only brings me peace to know that you saved a million and one teenagers from despair with your actions and care, native seedling plants from invasive liars, shade houses from devastation, tools from erosion and boots from weird sunscreen lotion, frogs from snakes, turnpikes and trail breaks, ryan every waking moment you lived in an exceptional space, you will never be replaced, we have only been truly graced.

Emily said...

I am happy to have known such a wonderful person. I am grateful for all his hard work with the youth of San Francisco, all his beautiful work depicting our natural world, and all his smiles for everyone.

Ryan, we will truly miss you. May your memory live on to inspire future generations of naturalists.

Love and hugs to everyone, Emily

Melody said...

What an amazing human Ryan was. I was so grateful to have known the beautiful person he was and have shared, like many of you, wonderful memories that I will enjoy for the rest of my life. He was such a gentle, giving person, who lived as we can only hope to live: fearlessly, purposefully and with heart.

He inspired me with all that he did, especially for his ability to forgive and embrace life even in the most difficult of times. He knew how to gracefully pull himself through, when many of us get caught up in the mundane details of existing, he truly lived every day.

I will never forget his stories, his passion for everything he put his mind to and his ability to continue moving forward, no matter what the obstacle. The world is a better place because he was in it, and we are all better people because of him.

I miss you Ryan, with all my heart.

Sandra Escajadillo said...

I miss you Ryan Jones,
today i got the horrific news and i didnt know what to day and do. Tears just came rolling down my eyes and couldn't help myself. Trying to hold my tears because i remember the times you made me cry because i was so inspired by your motivation to cheer everyone and give them hopes. I remember the day on the ropes course and i was stuck and i was too afraid to move. You helped me and told me its going to be ok, everyone is here with you. Trust, Love and Friendship. Thats what you were, and you spreaded that through your morning and everyday energy.

This afternoon after leaving the Oceana Nursery and looked at the sky and the ocean. every step i took i could see you. I deny the fact that good and wonderful people have to leave to another world. And right now, i miss you ryan. I was looking forward on seeing you, and i always admired you, and now that your gone, i am shocked. I am relived that your death was short and now you will be with us in our hearts. You will now be able to inspired eveyone in hte world in this infinite planet through your smile in the sky. Please take care in there and remember that You area an Inspiration, who lived life to the fullest.

Anonymous said...

What a wonderful person. You will be remembered and your beauty will continue to grow in all the seeds of inspiration and goodness you have planted in our youth.

Vivian said...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v682/Tevina/ryan.jpg

I still remember the scavenger hunt he accompanied my group on. We were going all haywire left and right, everywhere we were not supposed to. But Ryan stuck with us every step of the way, laughed quietly when we were stuck, wishing he could help when he wasn't supposed to. Well, we made it to the end and he finally blurted out that he was SO surprised we had found the goal because we completely went off the path we were supposed to take. He always, always had a smile on his face. Always energetic and happy, I always looked forward to talking to him and enjoyed all the fun stories and things he did. We'll miss you Ryan.

Sam and Vinny said...

Team silver bullet lives on forever. You inspired us to be our best. We'll miss you

Anonymous said...

I keep hearing Ryan's slogan "go for it!" in my mind. He would say it in his sweet, cheerful voice. I hope I never lose that memory. He helped me climb a rock wall for the first time. He taught others to surf. He encouraged everyone to do just what made them happy.
He gave me a surprise motorcycle ride around Union Square to show off all the Christmas decorations as my going away present. He was such a careful driver and loved the sound of his bike (something we shared). And he would always make time for a friend in need. He gave the best heart to heart talks and helped me through some tough times.
Now he's on to the next adventure, helping others in a different way. Best of luck on your journey, my old friend.

Tony "TeDouble" Vargas said...

I'm stuck on what to say, I just got the news of Ryan's passing. Ryan was an amazing artist. I remember when I was making Presidio maps, I used to turn to him for ideas. He had this creativity that could inspire anyone, even someone as uncreative as me! My fondest memory was Presidio Service Week about 11 years ago. The week ended with a big Earth Day celebration. Eric Stewart played a big role in getting us to lead various projects, and Ryan and I wanted to "thank" him by dumping a water cooler over his head.

When I got word of his accident, I couldn't believe it. I just stared at my email. And didn't move. Just sat there. As I closed my eyes last night, all I saw were some of the most amazing drawings of native plants, people, landscapes I have ever seen.

I will miss you Ryan. You will always be in my thoughts.

TeDouble

BillC said...

I never met Ryan but after reading about him, I wish I had, such a gifted and wonderful spirit.

Carolyn Jones-Colson said...

Hey Sue,
I am Ryan's little sister Carolyn and I have had the pleasure of meeting you in the past few days and I just wanted to thank you for loving my brother. It makes me feel good to know that there were people who loved and cared for him as much as we do. It has been a few years since I was able to see my brother and inside I feel so bad for that because I feel like I could have been a better sister. Ryan was so good to me. He looked after me when we were children and made sure no harm came my way. After I had my first child I had to leave her father and get a way for a while and Ryan took us in and let live with him. I was so thankful to him. Ryan always loved whole heartedly and I just hope he knows I have never forgotten about him I just let life take me away. With 5 kids, a husband and a career over seas it was so hard to stay in touch. But I know in my heart Ryan knew I loved him very much. And even though this was a very sad occation it got me back to California after about 5 years of not being here. So even after death Ryan is making wonderful things happen. Now my siblings and I will have a chance again to stay in touch and make sure we keep eachother informed on how life is treating us. I really wish my children would have had a chance to really get to know their Uncle but even though he is gone I will still make sure they know all the wonderful things he did with his life and that can give them dreams to be someone great like him...
Thanks for all your support in everything...

Anonymous said...

I didn't know of Ryan until that awful day on the bridge. I knew he as gone as I called into 911. Ryan has touch my life too now. I fell like I have changed in a big way. I went home from work that morning and I cried and prayed for him and his family and friends. I beleive that Ryan is in Heaven now, walking with God.
Thanks for listening, Helen

Candice Pursch said...

My cousin was a wonderful and talented man who was full of compassion and spirit. His time on earth may be through, but his spirit will live on forever. Take comfort in the fact that God blessed us all by sharing Ryan with us. But God needed him back home. We will all be together again.

Love you Ryan,
Your cousin Candice

Anonymous said...

To Helen and the others who spent time with Ryan on the bay bridge that fateful morning:

Please know that our hearts are with you and that you are now a part of a very large family and community that Ryan touched in so many different ways. We admire your courage and share your grief.
And yes, his spirit is soaring -- just in a different realm. Someday we will all be dancing with him.

Take Care, Sue Gardner

stephen said...

I only worked with Ryan for a short time, yet I was deeply affected by his devotion to good intention and generating goodness wherever he could. What an amazing person and what great loss. Ryan, you were too humble to acknowledge all the people affected by your life, but we are all here thinking of you.
stephen gardiner

Sabine said...

Hi Sue,

I am sorry I didn't return your call. I had read the article in the Chronicle that day and somehow I new that it was about Ryan. Your call confirmed it for me. Lots of things were going on in my life and i didn't know what to say.

It's so sad. I hope you are feeling a little better by now. This really sucks and does not make any sense. All I can think is that Ryan would probably not want us to feel bad.

Hugs and all the best,
Sabine

Courtney said...

It's been months since we've lost Ryan, but I wanted to post something I thought might comfort anyone who may still read this. I was thinking about Ryan a month or so ago and this song came on the radio that reminded me SO much of his personality. I'm lucky that our local radio station here in Pittsburgh plays this so much. Every time it comes on, I can't help but smile the biggest smile and think of Ryan. If I'm having a bad day, it instantly cheers me up. It's a Michael Franti and Spearhead song called "Say Hey (I love you)" If you haven't heard it, please do yourself a favor and listen to this sample: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001F3J4RQ/ref=dm_mu_dp_trk6/188-4996056-0341364

I guarantee it's worth a smile.
Peace-
Courtney

Lee Echols said...

Ryan was one of the best human beings to ever walk the planet. He embodied all the best qualities a human being can possess-honesty, loyalty, humility, selflessness, and an indefatigable work ethic. He was a true renaissance man with the ability to do anything. And he had a great sense of humor to top it all off. Knowing Ryan made you want to strive to be a better person. I'm very thankful to have been able to share a year in the SSP office with him. I miss you man....

Anonymous said...

I met Ryan in 2001 while I was a NPS intern. During my internship I worked very close with him and I loved the weekends we spent together when he and Anouk tried to teach us some new painting techniques. I rememeber many things from my experience at the Presidio but while I was reading what happen to Ryan, I kept picturing one thing: Ryan's smile. Ryan will be always in my mind.
Antonio del Saz (International Environmental Education Intern from Spain, 2000-2001)